Loss

Today I went to my doctor's appointment! See Saturday, the day we were going to have my B-Day dinner, I went to the restroom and there was blood. I knew immediately I was losing the baby. It was a devastating day. One I would never want to repeat but will always remembers forever.
Always wondering what should have been but realizing it is done and over with. I know there is nothing to do and nothing that could have been done. I know it is not as hard as losing a child that is already here or losing a baby at 5 months rather than 8 weeks, but it still hurts. I hate what happened and wish it had never happened at all.
The doctor today said we could try again in 4 weeks. He said it will be safe even though I dread ever having to go through something like this again. He said the chances of this happening a second time are slim. I wonder if I can be excited about another baby after this or if I would be too scared of losing it. I wanted that baby so bad. I'm scared to try again! I would like to have another baby, but I don't think having another kid could ever make me forget the one I lost. I think I will always wonder about the baby we lost!